The Last Time

The Weaning

By Carol Lynn Pearson

There is cloth now

Between you

And my breast -

Cloth

And a little pain.

This is the

Beginning.

I take your face

In my hands

And guide your gaze

Away, out there -

To the fruit trees,

To the stars.

My arms,

Though empty,

Fold comfort

To a mother-heart

That yearns for nursing,

Yet knows that weaning

Is the bigger part.

Do you ever feel like you're in a moment and you just want to soak it up completely, but you can't seem to? Like you want to soak up the smell, the sight, the memory of that moment because it feels important to you? ... I nursed Taya for what I told her and myself would be the last time tonight. Knowing I'll no longer nurse her makes me a little sad, and is not easy for me. She is so active these days, that nursing (down to once a day for the last few weeks) has been my main chance for peacefulness - touching - closeness - with Taya. I suppose I could be subconsciously sad because I know it means she is growing older or maybe I draw enjoyment from her needing me, those would be the obvious answers, but I don't actually feel those sentiments (especially the needing me one). I think I'll just simply miss the closeness of our nursing moments. But she is ready, completely ready, and that is the main reason I am weaning her. (That and Paul and I may be leaving her on an overnighter soon - Hallelujah!).

If I had done a post about my sentiments with breastfeeding earlier on, I would have shared this poem:

NEW CHILD

By Carol Lynn Pearson

I savor

This mutual feast:

You

At my breast,

Desperately

Drinking life -

And me

watching,

Touching,

Sipping eagerly

On your sweet

Evidence

Of immortality.

(While I was pregnant, I was especially nervous about nursing, breastfeeding, whatever you prefer to call it, because I had heard so many horror stories about it & because I had encountered adamant breastfeeding mamas who seemed to look down on those not breastfeeding - which turned me off on the topic. Then I read a book or two about it, and after feeling educated: and finding out that the hardest part of breastfeeding is in the first 3 weeks, and that people especially get the hang of it after 3 months, and also that as long as the baby is latching on correctly, there should not be a lot of pain, and if there is, you should look into another problem such as Thrush or Mastitis (have had both of those), ... after finding all of this out, I was determined to make it past 3 months and see if things weren't going just fine. Well, we made it and I am so glad I stuck with it. I don't want to hold that standard for everyone else, though I do think it is good to be open minded and educated on those things I mentioned and seek any lactation specialist help that may be beneficial. Besides, breastfeeding is so cheap and can be so easy in the end!!)

(Hope this post didn't make anyone too uncomfortable - if it did, maybe you're not a woman, and I'd rather you not read this particular post anyway, how's that for honesty? :) )

The storm has arrived ...

The toddler terror storm is here.

(Dare I say 'terror'? - well I just did and I'm not taking it back)

(And don't tell me that it's not or that it doesn't start until age 2 or 3 - it may get more intense, but right now, in our house, it is here! Curious, active, trouble making, tantrums - the whole package)

See for yourself:

I know! Mama's favorite lipstick from her birthday will look fabulous all over my body, in my ear and in my hair!


Mama took it away!!

This is perfectly safe - afterall, look at all the stuff I can get to now.

This is called the warm candle wax hair treatment, the babies in France tell me it's all the rage.
See how well it works!


My mama is losing her sanity, so I make sure to be cute by dancing every chance I get and by giving her hugs throughout the day. See here - I'm a Dancin Foo'.

In addition to getting into my lipstick, rubbing her hair down with warm candle wax, and figuring out that she loves to climb up on our table repeatedly, Taya also managed to shock herself 3x this week - pulling plugs out and touching the prongs - within a foot of her Dada and finding an unprotected outlet in the bleachers at her cousin's football game - also within a few feet of her Dada. Have I mentioned that Taya swallowed a dime once? (I only found out because I found it in her you-know-what ... around 6 or 7 months of age). Yes, these are all my confessions - and the thing is, if I thought I didn't watch her very closely, I probably woudn't want to share all of this with you, but we keep a good eye on her! I don't believe in following her literally step for step, but keeping a good eye on her instead and intervening when necessary - apparently, it's not quite enough - or we're not fast enough.

The little stinker!

So Me Thinks I Can Dance!!!!!

So Melanie (my close friend who I had several classes with at BYU, then was in the same ward with, then became roomates with, & then ended up living in the same city with! And Paul and I even lived with her and her husband, Jarom for almost a month when we moved here - talk about NICE FRIENDS! AND she threw my baby shower! Can you tell I love Melanie?!) Anyway, so Melanie & I tried to get tickets to the So You Think You Can Dance Tour when it came out, but it sold out SO fast! So I told Melanie I was determined to get tickets off Craigslist, and with way too much time spent searching for tickets on Craigslist, I finally found some affordable ones. So off we went to the show, (let's pretend this happened last night and not a couple of weeks ago - and that I am on top of my posting :) ). Well guess what! - We walk up to the section our seats are in (mediocre to not great seats) and the ticket holder looks at our tickets and says, ... Do you wanna go sit down there in Section CCC? .. 8th row from the stage? ... believe or not, we actually hesitated because we didn't want to be looking UP the entire time. But we got smart and swapped the tickets -
8TH ROW!!!!! LUCKY huh? So it was a great night. Every year now I starting looking forward to the summer time, despite our heat here, just because I know I'll get my fill of amazing choreography and amazing dance each week with this show. Paul can attest that I am tuned in to only this show while it is on; I am almost like him during the Suns Playoff Games, almost I said. After the show, my dancer girlfriends and I often call each other and analyze/critique the dances, feeling like we are the best judges of dance in existance (I actually missed several episodes this year though due to work, etc. - so I am not quite as free in my time as I sound).
Thanks for going Melanie! See our pictures below (a lot of them are from Melanie's camera b/c my battery died soon into the show - grrr... thx Mel). If you are bored by this and scan past all the pictures, you should at least watch the video I took of Katee & Joshua down below - one of my top favorite dances! - and you can tell how close we were. (By the way, you can watch a lot of these dances on YouTube. Look up some of the titles I list below here and you'll find them; you should also look up Travis & Heidi, Park Bench dance.)

LOVED IT!

Kerrington (sp?) & Twitch in hip hop - she got kicked off TOO EARLY!
Courtney & Will, this one will make you cry, about a wife who has lost her husband, and look - they even took pretend wedding pictures for the background!
Twitch & Katee, such a cool dance choreographed by THE BEST, Mia Michaels: Beggin For Mercy
Mark & Chelsea in one of the best dances: 'Bleeding Love'
We had SO much fun!
It was a full house! Why we were given the chance to move up to the 8th row beats me! I guess we're just cool like dat. ;)
Opening Number, hip hop! That's Will & Joshua, Will is one who I thought would win the whole thing, but shocked everyone leaving early & Joshua did win the whole thing; watching this show did make me glad that Joshua won though - he was SO GREAT!
Two of my favorites: Katee & Joshua after their running dance, also choreographed by Mia Michaels, watch the video clip below on this post.
See how close we were?

Chelsea is truly talented; she's from Utah, and I believe is Mormon - random who's who Mormon fact for you.

Things that make me happy

THESE THINGS MAKE ME HAPPY,

WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?

(consider this a tag if you like)

homemade jams - or jams from farmer's markets

farmers markets

country crop rows

rain (when it's occasional)

when it's cold enough to run a fire in the fireplace

fireflies

remembering my grandma & grandpa (Dad's side)


hearing stories about my grandma & grandpa (Mom's side, they died around my birth)

freshly clean me, Taya, Paul

Taya's laugh

Paul's smile

Paul & Taya laughing together (usually from rough housing)

family memories

my dad's wise cracks

childhood memories

chats with my mom filled with both trivial and meaningful

when a beloved friend calls

Taya's toddling walk

Taya's babbles

beautiful scenery

lovely photographs

when I'm pleased with a meal I've created from scratch

dates with Paul

Taya's dancing

flowers

homemade bread

beautiful interior design - especially if clean & modern, but warm and personal-

when I'm pleased with the design of a room in my home

playing hostess occasionally

swimming

dancing

singing

favorite songs; especially ones I haven't heard in a long while randomly popping up on the radio

Carol Lynn Pearson's poetry

little kids playing outside

children's art

puffy clouds

thick forest of pines

making s'mores and hot chocolate by the campfire

my siblings - endless chatting & laughing

time with just my sisters

the tender and consistent love from my parents

snuggling with Paul

when it's chilly enough to snuggle in a blanket

a real Christmas tree

the house all decorated for Christmas

clean floors throughout the house

chats with friends who you feel 100% comfortable with

having sisters

when Taya lays her head down on me (brief moments, but I'll take 'em!)

Taya learning knew things and constantly
discovering

pictures of Taya

hearing from our Prophet

Prayer

knowing I am a daughter of God

knowing God & Jesus Christ love me unconditionally

kneeling in prayer touching closely with my spouse

a clean house

a clean kitchen

watching a good movie with Paul

long talks with Paul

laughing with Paul

my own quirks that I can laugh at

epiphanies (or 'ah ha! moments' as Oprah calls them, & yes, I did just quote Oprah on my blog)

introspective moments

watching dance

big cities

small towns

mountains

favorite restaurants & cafes (unique atmosphere with killer food)

learning from and about people

snow skiing

roller coasters

playing social games and card games

doing someone's make-up

using quality or playful make-up

getting dolled up

colors

ice cold water quenching my thirst

the 'pop!' sound of opening a Snapple bottle

that new plastic smell - like a new shower curtain or a new inter tube (weird - I know)

performing arts

listening to my favorite tunes

iPod! (if I personally had one to use, we have a nice iPod Nano I bought for Paul off Craigslist)

Target commercials (not to mention Target itself)

So You Think You Can Dance!

taking photographs

bacon

cinnamon rolls

Thai food

wood fired specialty pizza

pretzels dipped in fudge sauce

lemon bars

children's honesty

down-to-earth people

children singing

the internet

tall grassy fields

camping

hiking - (not always though)

the beach

newly weds

thinking of how much I loved my wedding day

travelling

Europe

my time spent in London

garlic

fresh herbs, especially basil or cilantro!

any combination including fresh basil, roma tomatoes, & fresh mozarella cheese!

good cookware & handy cooking tools

independent films

laughing 'til my belly hurts - but I guess that one obviously makes me happy : )

AND MORE!!!!

(And if you haven't spent enough time reading this post and learning way too much trivial info. about me, here is a little video of Taya showing off a couple of her 'moves' -- her shoulder shimmies are the best)

Pending posts to come: I'm still gonna tell you about my trip to Vegas helping my sister-in-law out with her newborn baby girl (but I have beautiful pictures that we took that I'm playing around with in photoshop and want to finish them so I can share them! ..... & a post about Melanie & me going to the So You Think You Can Dance Tour - which was SO GREAT!!! ..... & a Taya update which is VERY overdue)

You should meet my mom.

You should. If you knew her like her friends and family know her, you would be inspired like the rest of us.

My mom celebrated her 35th birthday on Saturday (just kidding about the Saturday part; er no wait, just kidding about the 35th part, I think she turned 36, not 35) ;)

So here is why you should meet my mom.

She is the most service-oriented woman I know. I am not saying there aren't other service-oriented moms out there of course, but she really gives the most service out of anyone I know. For years, it seems like every time I call her, she is in the middle of some project or deed to help out another ... and whether she knows them well or not at all. Seriously, just about every time. ... That's a lot of service. And she has always been extremely selfless in raising us kids. She taught me that service opportunities can often come at the least convenient times possible, and just to expect that and go ahead and serve anyway.

She is a very happy and positive person. You can't help but feel better when you're around her. Even if she does use words like chonk (I think she made this word up) and zany and does a little giddy march while raising her shoulders, rubbing her hands together and doing the cutest cackle happy laugh, you can't help but feel happy.

My mom is talented. She plays the piano with such beautiful emotion. She taught many kids piano for years and is a wonderful teacher, instilling a love for music in them. Everything she touches turns beautiful; her home, weddings, floral arrangements, Christmas decorations, the food she cooks, even herself - she has great style, yet she is not materialistic, ... She is a talented reader and has served with this talent reading story times to kids at community libraries. She has directed many a road show play (remember those?) and dance festivals, and has the mind to just whip up little ditty songs for such plays.

She is an incredible seamstress. I didn't realize just how incredible until she created and executed these gorgeous Irish Gaelic costumes for an Irish soft shoe dance that a few other dancers and I did in our dance performance group during my high school years. She can figure out ANY sewing project.

She is a steadfast woman who is striving to draw closer to Christ every day. After I went through our LDS temple for the first time before getting married, I thanked her for holding true to Christ and our Heavenly Father, and I meant it.

My mom is down-to-earth, smart, talented, beautiful (seriously she is beautiful now, and if you saw her college pictures, she's gorgeous!), very hard working, organized - very organized!, diligent, and so much more. With her down-to-earth sense and approachability, I have discovered that it seems like almost anyone who knows her has come to her with a problem and has sought her listening ear. I love that about her.

And so like I said, you should meet my mom. There is still much more to her than what I've described, so next time you see her with me, just walk up, shake her hand, and say, 'Hi Carol - I was told I should meet you', and you'll be glad you did.

Happy Birthday Mom!!! (I'm sorry I wasn't here in person). I love you so much!!!

I Promise ...

I promise ... to do a new and better post within the next couple of days so that you can get that stinkin DTPS out of your head! (That was not the kind of post I meant to leave lurking and waiting to say boo every time you check my blog for over a week).

By the way, in my post on September 16th, I recruited some of you to write letters to our senators about passing the Protect Our Children act in order to try and catch more sexual predators out there and reduce the number of such crimes. Well it passed! I feel a little rest assured knowing I can do my part to protect my children from sexual predators, but now also knowing that the government is doing their part as well in ways that I can't.

Anyway, soon I'll tell you about my week in Las Vegas last week helping my sister-in-law out with her brand spankin new newborn (well no spankin actually, that would be just plain wrong, in fact - how could I even mention it?)

So I'll see you soon!

MOTHERLY LOVE=DTPS

MOTHERLY LOVE=DTPS

It does!

Oh wait, you don't know what DTPS means?

It means, DESENSITIZATION TO POOP SYNDROME!!!

Get it? Got it? Good.

Need I say more?

Oh, I do? Okay, I'll explain a little more. There have been many times when changing Taya's diapers or catching her spit up in my hand or finding her blow-out all over my shirt, that I have thought, wow, I must really LOVE my daughter to not be as grossed out as I normally would be right now!

But this past week proved it by miles!!

Taya came down with diarrhea and a horrible diaper rash last Saturday. After unsuccessfully trying a few basic things to help her get better in both areas, I resorted to the recommendation of letting her 'air out' ... go naked, diaper free, shake her little bun buns around the house; however you'd like to say it. I shut all the doors to carpet areas, rolled up the rugs, and let her run free!

And then there was the clean up. Like I said, she had diarrhea, and that is why I say LOVE=DTPS, because I am so desensitized to poop and pee (hers only) it's not even funny (don't worry, I do still try to avoid it, but it's just about impossible in a situation like this). Only motherly love could get me to do this dirty, dirty job.

Oh - I've gotta go, Taya's got a poopy diaper. Hey, at least it's in a diaper this time right?

(And by the way, between letting her air out, feeding her bananas, applesauce, and rice, and using 'Butt Paste' after already trying Desitin and Dr. Browns Diaper Rash Cream, we successfully eliminated the problem!)

And by the way again (if you're a mother and you're not desensitized to your children's poop, spit up, throw up, urine? Don't worry, I'm sure you've still got motherly love in some other unique fashion).

And by the way - uh, again - you could pretend I color coded this post in brown because I am excited about the fall colors that don't exist here in Arizona, but no, I am that gross at this moment; it is color coded for another reason, but you can pretend to see pretty fall leaves in the back ground.

And by the way AGAIN (somebody should come up with an acronym for that, so that I don't have to write out by the way so many times, maybe some Latin meaning or something?).

Maybe this is why she got a rash in the first place; slow response time to poopy diapers. Hmmm, where's the motherly love now?

This is VERY important and quite easy, why wouldn't we?

***If you don't want to read a serious topic right now, stop.***
***If you want to help with a serious topic (and you easily can), read on.***


Well this is another serious topic. I saw just a little bit of Oprah today and she had 3 girls on her show who had sadly been molested by their neighborhood friend's dad. It was another example similar to others I've heard of where the parents and the kids knew the sexual predator well and still had no idea to steer clear. The only reason these girls found out (because he had drugged them) was because they were contacted by police saying these girls were some of hundreds or thousands that this man had posted online. (I'm sorry, like I said this is serious, but there is something simple we can do about it to help). There are thousands of sexual predators out there, who choose local victims and victims far away through Internet communication. There are so many that the number is overwhelming and hard to control through government agencies at this point. In order to catch more of these predators, the Protect Our Children Act/S. 1738, Biden-Hatch is going through Senate soon. As described on Oprah.com, this act will:
-"Authorize over $320 million over the next five years in desperately needed funding for law enforcement to investigate child exploitation.
-Mandate that child rescue be a top priority for law enforcement receiving federal funding.
-Allocate funds for high-tech computer software that can track down Internet predators.

So the easy part that we need to do is write our senators to put pressure on them to pass this act. Doesn't sound very easy? - It actually is, because Oprah provided all of the information through her website, along with a letter you can copy and paste and everything so that you know the correct wording for passing the Protect Our Children Act.

Here are the instructions (all you'll have to do is go to a couple of these links I'll show you and copy and paste this letter -or write one if you want [I added a paragraph to mine] and email it through the Senate link below):

Go to Oprah.com, specifically http://www.oprah.com/article/oprahshow/20080911_tows_predators
Here you will see the letter to copy and paste, as well as the link to www.senate.gov/ that will help you find your senators and their email links.
Lucky for you who are fellow Arizonans, I am providing you with both links to directly email Senator Jon Kyl & Senator John McCain (I sent it to both b/c I assume John McCain is a little busy right now). Here are those Senator email form links:

http://kyl.senate.gov/contact.cfm
AND/OR
http://mccain.senate.gov/public/index.cfm?FuseAction=Contact.ContactForm

I haven't emailed or posted about something like this before, but I just think there is only so much we can do to protect our children from sexual predators right now, and when it comes to predators who can make you trust them and befriend them, it seems like a helpless situation. But with this act, they could be caught (because many who are predators of local children are also predators online and can be tracked). So I don't know why anyone wouldn't want this act passed.

Now, all you have to do is DO IT!! It's easy. Just follow my instructions above, or the instructions on http://www.oprah.com/article/oprahshow/20080911_tows_predators

Thank you!!! The more of us that send this, the more our senators will know how serious we are about this topic, and the need to improve this situation.