Wednesday, October 29, 2008

The Last Time

Mother and child by Cassatt Pictures, Images and Photos

The Weaning

By Carol Lynn Pearson

There is cloth now

Between you

And my breast -

Cloth

And a little pain.

This is the

Beginning.

I take your face

In my hands

And guide your gaze

Away, out there -

To the fruit trees,

To the stars.

My arms,

Though empty,

Fold comfort

To a mother-heart

That yearns for nursing,

Yet knows that weaning

Is the bigger part.

Do you ever feel like you're in a moment and you just want to soak it up completely, but you can't seem to? Like you want to soak up the smell, the sight, the memory of that moment because it feels important to you? ... I nursed Taya for what I told her and myself would be the last time tonight. Knowing I'll no longer nurse her makes me a little sad, and is not easy for me. She is so active these days, that nursing (down to once a day for the last few weeks) has been my main chance for peacefulness - touching - closeness - with Taya. I suppose I could be subconsciously sad because I know it means she is growing older or maybe I draw enjoyment from her needing me, those would be the obvious answers, but I don't actually feel those sentiments (especially the needing me one). I think I'll just simply miss the closeness of our nursing moments. But she is ready, completely ready, and that is the main reason I am weaning her. (That and Paul and I may be leaving her on an overnighter soon - Hallelujah!).

If I had done a post about my sentiments with breastfeeding earlier on, I would have shared this poem:

NEW CHILD

By Carol Lynn Pearson

I savor

This mutual feast:

You

At my breast,

Desperately

Drinking life -

And me

watching,

Touching,

Sipping eagerly

On your sweet

Evidence

Of immortality.

(While I was pregnant, I was especially nervous about nursing, breastfeeding, whatever you prefer to call it, because I had heard so many horror stories about it & because I had encountered adamant breastfeeding mamas who seemed to look down on those not breastfeeding - which turned me off on the topic. Then I read a book or two about it, and after feeling educated: and finding out that the hardest part of breastfeeding is in the first 3 weeks, and that people especially get the hang of it after 3 months, and also that as long as the baby is latching on correctly, there should not be a lot of pain, and if there is, you should look into another problem such as Thrush or Mastitis (have had both of those), ... after finding all of this out, I was determined to make it past 3 months and see if things weren't going just fine. Well, we made it and I am so glad I stuck with it. I don't want to hold that standard for everyone else, though I do think it is good to be open minded and educated on those things I mentioned and seek any lactation specialist help that may be beneficial. Besides, breastfeeding is so cheap and can be so easy in the end!!)

(Hope this post didn't make anyone too uncomfortable - if it did, maybe you're not a woman, and I'd rather you not read this particular post anyway, how's that for honesty? :) )

13 comments:

Sara said...

I love her simple poetry.

I did enjoy breastfeeding, but not as much as most moms, I don't think. Three-four months and I was done with Ben and I'm planning on doing the same with this one. I guess we'll see though.

Bianca said...

I love your disclaimer at the end. Too funny. I can hear your tone of voice!
Some of my friends who work full time are so amazed that i'm still nursing. And although James is weaning himself pretty good on his own, I'm feeling like I will probably be sad when he stops nursing (and happy for independence).
For me, it's a reassuring feeling that if he needs comfort I can always "plug him in" and that will take care of it. It's like magic!
Thanks for coming to my party! I had a lot of fun and hope you did too! And the necklace you got was so cute!

The Freestones said...

wow, so i HATED nursing because Ruby was never good at it---she was always on and off and on and off, and so I felt like I was exposed 24/7 and it hurt. maybe my next one will be good and i'll have a better experience? i hope so! So how about i buy you the camera for you, and you can buy the camera for me? we need it!

Lauren said...

I hated nursing at first. It wasn't until she was six months old before I felt like it was something I could continue doing without a problem. I felt a huge sense of freedom when I finished nursing two months ago (when Aubrey was 16 months old). Aubrey's very active like Taya but she'll give me hugs once and awhile or little cuddles. They're always quick but I'm sure Taya will do the same with you so you can still have the closeness.

Marie said...

Did I mention Grace was into "naked" right now? She saw the picture on the top of your blog and says, "Mom, that boy's naked."
I thought it was funny.

Breanne said...

Claire - I'm in! As long as it is alright if I get you a disposable camera. You can go ahead and still get me the digital SLR though, mmK?
I had a very hard time nursing at first, got thrush when Taya was two weeks old, which KILLED on top of the pain I already had from newly nursing. Then a little while later and until about 6 months, I didn't mind it for the most part, except that it felt like it took forever sometimes! But then she got some much quicker at it, which they all do I think, and it was so much easier than any other form of feeding her.
Taya has recently started coming up randomly thoughout the day and giving me hugs too, so that is very good. She even knows how to 'squeeeeze' as we say, so I love it :)

Breanne said...

Oh yeah, and Marie, that cracked me up. I actually looked through other art of mothers breastfeeding their children, but decided this would definitely be the safer choice. Did my blog just go from G rated to PG?

Breanne said...

Oh yeah, and Marie, that cracked me up. I actually looked through other art of mothers breastfeeding their children, but decided this would definitely be the safer choice. Did my blog just go from G rated to PG?

Shannon said...

I know exactly what you are feeling. I memorized the moment with Henry's last feeding. He was growing up and needed more and I wanted more independence. I thought 17 months was sufficient for me and just in time before he started tugging at my shirt. Breastfeeding has its very hard moments but overall for me it was so wonderful and I bonded with Henry so much during that time. It's nice to feel so needed and I feel blessed to know Heavenly Father blessed us with everything a new baby needs all within our bodies. It's amazing.

Jen said...

I am in the weaning process with Seth right now and your post made me tear up. It will be so bittersweet when it is the last time. Sometimes I am so happy that I am almost done, and other times it is pretty sad. I am sure this isn't the last time we will feel the pang of letting them move on in life. Thanks for sharing your tender feelings. I love your post!

Janalee said...

Don't forget to take that last bit of milk, use it to make Amish friendship bread and pass it out to all your friends!

Ben and Beth said...

I seriously hope I can be as good at nursing as you were!
At the very least I can read the same books you did!
Cute blog and cuter family!!

Ben and Beth said...
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