The Last Time

The Weaning

By Carol Lynn Pearson

There is cloth now

Between you

And my breast -

Cloth

And a little pain.

This is the

Beginning.

I take your face

In my hands

And guide your gaze

Away, out there -

To the fruit trees,

To the stars.

My arms,

Though empty,

Fold comfort

To a mother-heart

That yearns for nursing,

Yet knows that weaning

Is the bigger part.

Do you ever feel like you're in a moment and you just want to soak it up completely, but you can't seem to? Like you want to soak up the smell, the sight, the memory of that moment because it feels important to you? ... I nursed Taya for what I told her and myself would be the last time tonight. Knowing I'll no longer nurse her makes me a little sad, and is not easy for me. She is so active these days, that nursing (down to once a day for the last few weeks) has been my main chance for peacefulness - touching - closeness - with Taya. I suppose I could be subconsciously sad because I know it means she is growing older or maybe I draw enjoyment from her needing me, those would be the obvious answers, but I don't actually feel those sentiments (especially the needing me one). I think I'll just simply miss the closeness of our nursing moments. But she is ready, completely ready, and that is the main reason I am weaning her. (That and Paul and I may be leaving her on an overnighter soon - Hallelujah!).

If I had done a post about my sentiments with breastfeeding earlier on, I would have shared this poem:

NEW CHILD

By Carol Lynn Pearson

I savor

This mutual feast:

You

At my breast,

Desperately

Drinking life -

And me

watching,

Touching,

Sipping eagerly

On your sweet

Evidence

Of immortality.

(While I was pregnant, I was especially nervous about nursing, breastfeeding, whatever you prefer to call it, because I had heard so many horror stories about it & because I had encountered adamant breastfeeding mamas who seemed to look down on those not breastfeeding - which turned me off on the topic. Then I read a book or two about it, and after feeling educated: and finding out that the hardest part of breastfeeding is in the first 3 weeks, and that people especially get the hang of it after 3 months, and also that as long as the baby is latching on correctly, there should not be a lot of pain, and if there is, you should look into another problem such as Thrush or Mastitis (have had both of those), ... after finding all of this out, I was determined to make it past 3 months and see if things weren't going just fine. Well, we made it and I am so glad I stuck with it. I don't want to hold that standard for everyone else, though I do think it is good to be open minded and educated on those things I mentioned and seek any lactation specialist help that may be beneficial. Besides, breastfeeding is so cheap and can be so easy in the end!!)

(Hope this post didn't make anyone too uncomfortable - if it did, maybe you're not a woman, and I'd rather you not read this particular post anyway, how's that for honesty? :) )

The storm has arrived ...

The toddler terror storm is here.

(Dare I say 'terror'? - well I just did and I'm not taking it back)

(And don't tell me that it's not or that it doesn't start until age 2 or 3 - it may get more intense, but right now, in our house, it is here! Curious, active, trouble making, tantrums - the whole package)

See for yourself:

I know! Mama's favorite lipstick from her birthday will look fabulous all over my body, in my ear and in my hair!


Mama took it away!!

This is perfectly safe - afterall, look at all the stuff I can get to now.

This is called the warm candle wax hair treatment, the babies in France tell me it's all the rage.
See how well it works!


My mama is losing her sanity, so I make sure to be cute by dancing every chance I get and by giving her hugs throughout the day. See here - I'm a Dancin Foo'.

In addition to getting into my lipstick, rubbing her hair down with warm candle wax, and figuring out that she loves to climb up on our table repeatedly, Taya also managed to shock herself 3x this week - pulling plugs out and touching the prongs - within a foot of her Dada and finding an unprotected outlet in the bleachers at her cousin's football game - also within a few feet of her Dada. Have I mentioned that Taya swallowed a dime once? (I only found out because I found it in her you-know-what ... around 6 or 7 months of age). Yes, these are all my confessions - and the thing is, if I thought I didn't watch her very closely, I probably woudn't want to share all of this with you, but we keep a good eye on her! I don't believe in following her literally step for step, but keeping a good eye on her instead and intervening when necessary - apparently, it's not quite enough - or we're not fast enough.

The little stinker!

So Me Thinks I Can Dance!!!!!

So Melanie (my close friend who I had several classes with at BYU, then was in the same ward with, then became roomates with, & then ended up living in the same city with! And Paul and I even lived with her and her husband, Jarom for almost a month when we moved here - talk about NICE FRIENDS! AND she threw my baby shower! Can you tell I love Melanie?!) Anyway, so Melanie & I tried to get tickets to the So You Think You Can Dance Tour when it came out, but it sold out SO fast! So I told Melanie I was determined to get tickets off Craigslist, and with way too much time spent searching for tickets on Craigslist, I finally found some affordable ones. So off we went to the show, (let's pretend this happened last night and not a couple of weeks ago - and that I am on top of my posting :) ). Well guess what! - We walk up to the section our seats are in (mediocre to not great seats) and the ticket holder looks at our tickets and says, ... Do you wanna go sit down there in Section CCC? .. 8th row from the stage? ... believe or not, we actually hesitated because we didn't want to be looking UP the entire time. But we got smart and swapped the tickets -
8TH ROW!!!!! LUCKY huh? So it was a great night. Every year now I starting looking forward to the summer time, despite our heat here, just because I know I'll get my fill of amazing choreography and amazing dance each week with this show. Paul can attest that I am tuned in to only this show while it is on; I am almost like him during the Suns Playoff Games, almost I said. After the show, my dancer girlfriends and I often call each other and analyze/critique the dances, feeling like we are the best judges of dance in existance (I actually missed several episodes this year though due to work, etc. - so I am not quite as free in my time as I sound).
Thanks for going Melanie! See our pictures below (a lot of them are from Melanie's camera b/c my battery died soon into the show - grrr... thx Mel). If you are bored by this and scan past all the pictures, you should at least watch the video I took of Katee & Joshua down below - one of my top favorite dances! - and you can tell how close we were. (By the way, you can watch a lot of these dances on YouTube. Look up some of the titles I list below here and you'll find them; you should also look up Travis & Heidi, Park Bench dance.)

LOVED IT!

Kerrington (sp?) & Twitch in hip hop - she got kicked off TOO EARLY!
Courtney & Will, this one will make you cry, about a wife who has lost her husband, and look - they even took pretend wedding pictures for the background!
Twitch & Katee, such a cool dance choreographed by THE BEST, Mia Michaels: Beggin For Mercy
Mark & Chelsea in one of the best dances: 'Bleeding Love'
We had SO much fun!
It was a full house! Why we were given the chance to move up to the 8th row beats me! I guess we're just cool like dat. ;)
Opening Number, hip hop! That's Will & Joshua, Will is one who I thought would win the whole thing, but shocked everyone leaving early & Joshua did win the whole thing; watching this show did make me glad that Joshua won though - he was SO GREAT!
Two of my favorites: Katee & Joshua after their running dance, also choreographed by Mia Michaels, watch the video clip below on this post.
See how close we were?

Chelsea is truly talented; she's from Utah, and I believe is Mormon - random who's who Mormon fact for you.

Things that make me happy

THESE THINGS MAKE ME HAPPY,

WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?

(consider this a tag if you like)

homemade jams - or jams from farmer's markets

farmers markets

country crop rows

rain (when it's occasional)

when it's cold enough to run a fire in the fireplace

fireflies

remembering my grandma & grandpa (Dad's side)


hearing stories about my grandma & grandpa (Mom's side, they died around my birth)

freshly clean me, Taya, Paul

Taya's laugh

Paul's smile

Paul & Taya laughing together (usually from rough housing)

family memories

my dad's wise cracks

childhood memories

chats with my mom filled with both trivial and meaningful

when a beloved friend calls

Taya's toddling walk

Taya's babbles

beautiful scenery

lovely photographs

when I'm pleased with a meal I've created from scratch

dates with Paul

Taya's dancing

flowers

homemade bread

beautiful interior design - especially if clean & modern, but warm and personal-

when I'm pleased with the design of a room in my home

playing hostess occasionally

swimming

dancing

singing

favorite songs; especially ones I haven't heard in a long while randomly popping up on the radio

Carol Lynn Pearson's poetry

little kids playing outside

children's art

puffy clouds

thick forest of pines

making s'mores and hot chocolate by the campfire

my siblings - endless chatting & laughing

time with just my sisters

the tender and consistent love from my parents

snuggling with Paul

when it's chilly enough to snuggle in a blanket

a real Christmas tree

the house all decorated for Christmas

clean floors throughout the house

chats with friends who you feel 100% comfortable with

having sisters

when Taya lays her head down on me (brief moments, but I'll take 'em!)

Taya learning knew things and constantly
discovering

pictures of Taya

hearing from our Prophet

Prayer

knowing I am a daughter of God

knowing God & Jesus Christ love me unconditionally

kneeling in prayer touching closely with my spouse

a clean house

a clean kitchen

watching a good movie with Paul

long talks with Paul

laughing with Paul

my own quirks that I can laugh at

epiphanies (or 'ah ha! moments' as Oprah calls them, & yes, I did just quote Oprah on my blog)

introspective moments

watching dance

big cities

small towns

mountains

favorite restaurants & cafes (unique atmosphere with killer food)

learning from and about people

snow skiing

roller coasters

playing social games and card games

doing someone's make-up

using quality or playful make-up

getting dolled up

colors

ice cold water quenching my thirst

the 'pop!' sound of opening a Snapple bottle

that new plastic smell - like a new shower curtain or a new inter tube (weird - I know)

performing arts

listening to my favorite tunes

iPod! (if I personally had one to use, we have a nice iPod Nano I bought for Paul off Craigslist)

Target commercials (not to mention Target itself)

So You Think You Can Dance!

taking photographs

bacon

cinnamon rolls

Thai food

wood fired specialty pizza

pretzels dipped in fudge sauce

lemon bars

children's honesty

down-to-earth people

children singing

the internet

tall grassy fields

camping

hiking - (not always though)

the beach

newly weds

thinking of how much I loved my wedding day

travelling

Europe

my time spent in London

garlic

fresh herbs, especially basil or cilantro!

any combination including fresh basil, roma tomatoes, & fresh mozarella cheese!

good cookware & handy cooking tools

independent films

laughing 'til my belly hurts - but I guess that one obviously makes me happy : )

AND MORE!!!!

(And if you haven't spent enough time reading this post and learning way too much trivial info. about me, here is a little video of Taya showing off a couple of her 'moves' -- her shoulder shimmies are the best)

Pending posts to come: I'm still gonna tell you about my trip to Vegas helping my sister-in-law out with her newborn baby girl (but I have beautiful pictures that we took that I'm playing around with in photoshop and want to finish them so I can share them! ..... & a post about Melanie & me going to the So You Think You Can Dance Tour - which was SO GREAT!!! ..... & a Taya update which is VERY overdue)