The Last Time

The Weaning

By Carol Lynn Pearson

There is cloth now

Between you

And my breast -

Cloth

And a little pain.

This is the

Beginning.

I take your face

In my hands

And guide your gaze

Away, out there -

To the fruit trees,

To the stars.

My arms,

Though empty,

Fold comfort

To a mother-heart

That yearns for nursing,

Yet knows that weaning

Is the bigger part.

Do you ever feel like you're in a moment and you just want to soak it up completely, but you can't seem to? Like you want to soak up the smell, the sight, the memory of that moment because it feels important to you? ... I nursed Taya for what I told her and myself would be the last time tonight. Knowing I'll no longer nurse her makes me a little sad, and is not easy for me. She is so active these days, that nursing (down to once a day for the last few weeks) has been my main chance for peacefulness - touching - closeness - with Taya. I suppose I could be subconsciously sad because I know it means she is growing older or maybe I draw enjoyment from her needing me, those would be the obvious answers, but I don't actually feel those sentiments (especially the needing me one). I think I'll just simply miss the closeness of our nursing moments. But she is ready, completely ready, and that is the main reason I am weaning her. (That and Paul and I may be leaving her on an overnighter soon - Hallelujah!).

If I had done a post about my sentiments with breastfeeding earlier on, I would have shared this poem:

NEW CHILD

By Carol Lynn Pearson

I savor

This mutual feast:

You

At my breast,

Desperately

Drinking life -

And me

watching,

Touching,

Sipping eagerly

On your sweet

Evidence

Of immortality.

(While I was pregnant, I was especially nervous about nursing, breastfeeding, whatever you prefer to call it, because I had heard so many horror stories about it & because I had encountered adamant breastfeeding mamas who seemed to look down on those not breastfeeding - which turned me off on the topic. Then I read a book or two about it, and after feeling educated: and finding out that the hardest part of breastfeeding is in the first 3 weeks, and that people especially get the hang of it after 3 months, and also that as long as the baby is latching on correctly, there should not be a lot of pain, and if there is, you should look into another problem such as Thrush or Mastitis (have had both of those), ... after finding all of this out, I was determined to make it past 3 months and see if things weren't going just fine. Well, we made it and I am so glad I stuck with it. I don't want to hold that standard for everyone else, though I do think it is good to be open minded and educated on those things I mentioned and seek any lactation specialist help that may be beneficial. Besides, breastfeeding is so cheap and can be so easy in the end!!)

(Hope this post didn't make anyone too uncomfortable - if it did, maybe you're not a woman, and I'd rather you not read this particular post anyway, how's that for honesty? :) )